A New Year and Reflections on Step One of GROW

Posted on

The following reflections on Step One of GROW: ‘We admitted we had lost our way and needed direction’ have been submitted by GROW members in the South East.

“After a series of traumatic events, I was living in a state of anxiety. My way of coping with life was to imagine every possible thing that could go wrong so I would be prepared for anything. Nothing would catch me by surprise ever again. I was fighting with those closest to me without knowing why.

One day a leaflet from GROW came through the door. On the front was the question ‘What exactly am I troubled about?’. Seeing it in black and white made me really think and I realised I was afraid of being alone. I didn’t trust myself and I didn’t trust that nothing bad would happen outside of my control.

My husband enquired about what I was reading when he came home and I said ‘I think I need GROW’. I expected him to say ‘don’t be silly, you’re fine’, but very gently, he said, ‘I think you do’.”
(Written by Brigid)

“I admitted I had lost my way and was helpless if I just relied on my own internal resources. I accepted that I needed direction.”
(Written by Tom)

The dark side of my head was and had been in control of me for some time. I felt it’s power and it was very frightening. I knew that I didn’t have any reserves left and that I needed help.I would sit on the settee, very still, and try to stop the waves of panic that just washed over me. I only felt safe under the duvet cover in the dark. I was totally isolated.”
(Written by Mary)

“I joined GROW on four different medications and two years after being hospitalised. It was blindingly obvious I had lost direction. However, as I got better I noticed a curious thing: a (false) part of me wanted to believe I had recovered and had left my problems behind, while a (true) part of me knew that being human meant I was always prone to losing direction. This is why I needed to work on humbly using my reason to see the bigger picture.”
(Written by Peter)