Join us on FacebookGROW 12 Step Program – Step 6
We endured until cured. This article on Step 6 of the GROW 12 Step Program is a selection of pieces by different writers who explore step 6 which is fundamentally about resilience which Luke defines well as the “ability to keep going”.
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Jim: Years ago I was getting really stressed out with my job and I had some quarrels with close friends. There was a danger that I could spiral into a black hole of negativity, take to the bed or end up in hospital. Looking back I can see how a few crucial ingredients gave me the ability to keep going. First, I shared my frustrations with a close GROW friend. Having bombarded him with an hour of blaming others, he waited till I had exhausted my anger, looked me straight in the eye and said: “You know Jim, we can’t change other people. We can only change ourselves.” A painful truth that I needed to hear. Realising that I needed to change direction, I went for career guidance counselling. The counsellor got fed up with my resistance to adult education and challenged me to take responsibility for my life. If it hadn’t been for years of constant challenge in GROW I would have run out the door. Instead I confronted my fear of studying and even learned to enjoy it. As the saying goes: ‘when God closes one door, he opens another’. My faith in a higher power has always been a bit vague, uncertain – but situations like the above teach me to be open to the help that is out there.
Margaret: As a child I was bullied in school, so I was forced to spend a lot of time on my own. However I stumbled into a team sport (Camogie) in Secondary school and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I could just turn up for training. I didn’t need someone to go with me to take part. By consistently turning up for training and always being available to play I earned my right to be picked on the team. I had a role, I was the Full Back! The positive impact of being bullied as a child was that I became an extremely independent adult. It was only at GROW, many years later, that I began to look at my friendships and realise that my experiences as a child impacted on my relationships in later life. I started to enjoy the company of others in the 3 different Friendship levels that GROW talks about: Work, Play and Living. I learned how to enjoy the company of others. I have learned that self-reliance does not have to mean isolation.
Joan: When I was told by a doctor that a long term physical illness was incurable, I adopted my usual attitude to life’s problems – ‘I can beat this’ – which mostly works but not in this particular case. I once heard that people pray for 3 reasons: (a) they are asked to do so by others; (b) out of routine to ask for the usual favours; (c) out of pure desperation. Illness made me pray out of desperation. My prayers were answered in an unexpected manner. Following my doctor’s advice, I joined GROW’s Ceart group (for people with chronic physical illnesses). Here I experienced the fellowship of others who could understand my struggles and had often come through worse experiences themselves. This gave both validation to my own experiences and a deep, realistic sense of hope for the future.
Martin: I wonder is the word ‘resilience’ just a modern buzz word for life and our need to allow life to shine through in ourselves, others, nature, God. Perhaps the greatest battle is with the enemy within – that voice inside us that keeps telling us we are no good. Through GROW we learn that everyone battles with their inner demons. However we can choose to actively ignore this negativity. Instead life challenges us to find and build on the good that is within us all.
Luke: Listening to ye all, I am reminded of the saying: “Fear knocked on the door. Faith answered. There was no one there.” When I practise meditation I try to allow fearful thoughts to arise, let them be and they will go away. I came to GROW believing GROW would teach me how to be rid of all these negative thoughts. Now I see recovery as being the ability to accept, but not act, on these thoughts. With such an attitude they lose their power over me. Resilience may sound heroic. However often it’s just the ability to keep going. We don’t feel good at the time, but with hindsight we realise the bad weather can’t last. We live in an era of ‘Health & Safety’. Yet recovery requires risk. The whole basis of the practical task at our GROW meetings is that we are encouraged to take risks – we are even commended if our honest efforts fail: “Ever tried, every failed, no matter, try again, fail again, fail better” – (Samuel Beckett). We can’t understand other peoples’ limitations if we haven’t failed ourselves. After all, who wants to spend time in the company of a perfect person? Perhaps we need to experience failures to fully appreciate the joy of success, of constant effort finally getting its just reward.