April 2021 Newsletter

Because childhood lasts a lifetime

By John from Donegal
I was reintroduced to this old slogan recently at the end of a radio advert for the children`s charity Barnardo`s. The advert reported on the rising levels of physical and emotional abuse of children during Covid restrictions.

Previously when I heard this slogan, “Because Childhood Lasts A Lifetime”, my thoughts would drift back to my own childhood and the difficulties I once encountered. It`s said that the impact of our childhood lasts all through life, and certainly from my experience, the old saying, “the child is never too far from the adult’s head.” has proven to be true.

Life is full of contradictions and it`s not uncommon for anyone who experienced a difficult childhood, to receive conflicting advice on coming to terms with our past life. You may hear opinions that range from, `forget all about it` or `put it behind you’ etc. Others will state the opposite and advise you to explore your past or you will never find inner peace unless you delve deep into your childhood.

When I joined Grow, I would feel conflicted, especially when I read certain passages of the Grow Program, such as Grow Principles on page 52, under the title Responsibility, which states it’s “wrong to hark back to past causes… wrong to stay sick…” etc. I believed these words lacked compassion. However, over time, the more I got to learn the Grow Program, I realised I would be sabotaging my own recovery if I were to keep focussing on negativity. I remember feeling annoyed with the Grow wisdom, “Those who keep harping on about their parent`s faults never grow up.” I have stopped questioning the validity of this wisdom because I don`t feel the same way. I can break this association with my childhood misery and prevent triggering those old unhelpful emotions. So, when I heard those same words recently, “Because Childhood Lasts A Lifetime,” instead of allowing myself to dwell on memories of my wounded and fearful childhood, I simply acknowledged their existence.

This has not been easy and has come from years of practicing the Grow Program, such as page 54 “Imagination and Disturbed Thought” and page 55 “Don`t Cultivate Weeds”. Learning to ignore thoughts by diverting my attention and by disregarding them, I can then start to shift my thoughts towards positivity. For example, instead of allowing my negative thoughts to become troublesome, I can appreciate what I have been through gives me more compassion and understanding of others in similar situations. In the words of Carl Jung, “Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of others.”

When we learn to think differently, we make different choices. We can choose to love rather than to fear because fear comes from anger and anger turns to resentment. Acceptance has played such an important role in helping me and Grow has shown me the power of acceptance. “When we accept life – on life`s terms – we can let go of how we think life should be and live in the `Now` of life is.” – page 77.

I try not to dwell on misery, it is good to leave the past in the past because no one deserves to suffer, especially from their own mind. There is a new section in the Grow Program pages 58 to 60 titled, `Letting Go`, which is particularly useful. This section explains what we need to `Let Go` of, which includes “Letting go of the past” because “If we keep clinging to the past we cannot live in the present.” Page 59 includes a powerful wisdom, “In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself.”

Since 1995, Barnardo`s have used the same advertisement slogan. The children who were receiving the services of Barnardo`s at that time are all adults now. I hope when they hear “Because Childhood Lasts A Lifetime,” they are reconciled with their difficult childhoods.

A day in the life of an ACBy Treasa Twomey, Area Coordinator

If I were writing this piece prior to the pandemic, the picture would be very different. Our days and nights were spent in the car visiting the various groups in our respective units. Group visits were in themselves great, however, the drive home was exhausting at times, especially if the group was long or the content upsetting.
I have always enjoyed working for Grow, especially to observe leadership emerging. The groups and the Program have been the highlights of the job. It’s been both a privilege and a pleasure to see our members recovering from their individual issues. Hearing member’s testimonies, where they have come from, and especially how applying the Program has given them a new life worth living is priceless.

I’m proud to work for Grow and never more so than in the last twelve months, during this global pandemic. It’s said that sometimes it takes a crisis to observe people’s true character. The Organisation as a whole has shown its resilience throughout the pandemic. When face to face groups had to stop due to the government’s necessary restrictions, we Faced up to the challenge of supporting our members.

Initially, we kept connected by telephone. We called our members to check in and encouraged them to do the same (12th step work at its best). The Area Co-Ordinators role underwent a huge change. We had to learn how to use Zoom in order to facilitate groups online. Personally, I found this extremely challenging as I have a fear of technology ( or maybe it’s a fear of getting it wrong). I’m a child of the 60’s and asking teachers questions wasn’t encouraged in my school days. On a positive note, I had a great teacher who taught me over the telephone and she was patient kind and encouraging throughout the process. One year on, I actually enjoy the online groups and have two new online groups, along with five groups that were previously face-to-face.

The numbers in all the groups have increased and remained constant and members are very committed. In fact, I believe the quality of the groups has improved also, partly due to having new members and also due to the geographical boundary being removed. For example, people can visit other groups to give their testimonies, which helps both the individual and the group being visited.

The Organisers and Recorders meeting and Leader’s meeting have improved greatly. Here again, the numbers are bigger and the shared experiences benefit everyone attending..2020 will not be a year that we could easily forget. However, the Grow organization can be proud of what it achieved throughout the Covid-19 crisis. The committee who worked on the new branding did a wonderful job. The Program team and spirituality team who produced the new Program book did trojan work. It would be difficult to predict what our landscape will look like in another year, but I’m convinced we may get bigger and better.

A special word of thanks to the following people:

• The leaders within the existing groups came on board the online platform and welcomed the newcomers into their groups.
• Kate Slater was the great teacher who taught me how to use Zoom.
• Mary Walsh, who although she wasn’t long in her new role of NPC ensured we had all the Program books necessary to hold a group.
• Cliona Tynan who didn’t waste any time getting a laptop sent to me.
• To all the Dublin team, who organized and sent the ipads to our members to help them get online.
• A special thank you to our Manager, Mary Purcell, who was thrown in the deep end and came up smiling.
• And last but not least, to Aisling Cassin who receives all the new inquiries and posts out the Program books to newcomers.